Why have I written this article you might ask?
Well I've dated many different women from many
different cultures (Asian, Latina, African American, Caucasian American, and
Caucasian-European) and let me tell you there are some major differences
between the culture you're used to and a different female from a different culture.
That's an entirely different topic that usually
deals with a society thing and how they see dating interracially. This is just
about cultural differences and what a female specifically from the ASIAN
culture will expect once you're dating. I've dated many types of Asian women so
I have this down to a science.
Secondly don't look at anything I say in this
article as a slam on Asians, nor Asian women. Every culture has their beauty
but they also have their ugly side. If you're not in their culture it's Taboo
to talk about it openly without someone saying you're putting them down. That's
to be expected. Just please take this as helpful information you can use as a
guide if you decide or are currently dating an Asian woman.
Just like with any culture there are misconceptions
based on what a person
may see on TV or the movies. A person may think all
Latin women have nice booties
or can salsa dance, or African American women can
cook really good and have nice booties too, and Asian women are quite, shy, and
submissive to men. Well we're here to talk about Asian women.
So let's dispel the myth. 95% of Asian women aren't
shy, quiet, or submissive! They're actually HUGELY A STARK CONTRAST from this!
This is where things get a little on the Taboo side. Most men that have had a
long term relationship with Asian woman will tell you they're actually quite
bossy, materialistic, and mean. WHOA huh! Sorry to burst your bubble fellas,
but this is the truth, and it's not a race thing it's a cultural thing. Huh?
Let me explain. Asian culture is known to be a
culture with little hugs, and warm compliments. That is for the kids growing up
in this culture. I know you're thinking "but that old Asian lady at work
is so nice". I'm sure she is, but this is also the face that we all show
in public (our best one). Think about this. Have you ever heard an old Asian
lady make a funny but rude comment about something or someone? Like "why
you cut your hair like that, it's ugly?" "Or, your fat, you need to
lose weight". It seems funny at the time but this is how they speak to
their kids, and their family members when in their home. It's common place.
There is harsh criticism or little in the way of compliments. Let’s say a young
lady in this environment cleans the house for her mother instead of saying
thank you the mother might rash her and criticize her about the job done, even
if the house is spotless! Well guess what when she gets into a relationship
after the honeymoon phase is done she will be repeating this kind of behavior
on her man, and rotationally her future kids.
It's a cycle.
Many Asian families are tight-knit. However, the way
they interact with each other is with criticism instead of compliments. Parents
rarely hug their children, instead they complain at them. Now I'm not saying
these families aren't loving, In their own way they are, but this common place with Asian homes (example -
"you think this house is clean, i still see dirt everywhere").
This goes hand and hand with BOSSY. Most Asian
parents with be to a degree Bossy with their
kids which produces women that are BOSSY with their
boyfriends, and Husbands.
I thought Asian women were submissive to their men?
Submissive? Asian women
have their role in Asian culture, but it's not what
most men think it is. It's usually a role
of dominance and control. First off look at old
Asian culture; Some Asian Cultures have had
women leaders for long periods of time. If they were
submissive and had this male dominated
society how could this be the case? Well, I'm
telling you it's not the case.
In most Asian homes it's not only the kids that deal
with criticism but it's also the husband. He didn't do enough yard work, or
didn't give her enough money for shopping needs, or doesn't work hard enough at
his job, or didn't complete a project fast or good enough for her, or didn't
fill up the minivan with gas, or , or, or, or. You might say American women
complain too. Yes, they sure do, but let me assure you this is to a new level.
In this culture nothing this husband can do will be right. There are no thank
yous, just "but you didn't do this".
Most older Asian men fade into the background why
their wives run the show. Most drink hard, and smoke a lot as a result. The
wives tend to be shuffling around doing something and complaining about
something that wasn't done right while the husband sleeps in an easy chair
(after a few drinks).
Most Asian men growing up in this cultural see it
and accept it as it's all they know. Most women repeat the patterns of their
mother. The problem comes in when Johnny white boy meets an Asian girl at work,
at the park, on the internet, or at the nightclub. He sees this beautiful
exotic female, and her nice shy way and thinks "wow, I'm lucking out
here". Then after 9 months of dating her and her being super nice
something happens. It's what I like the call "THE EVENT". "THE
EVENT" is first the time her real personality comes out. It's usually over
something really, really small. You might spill a drink. You might be 5 minutes
late picking her up somewhere. You might forget to open up the car door for
her, or you might turn down an invite to one of the many Asian family parties
you've gone to. These small things are the triggers to make "THE
EVENT" happen. What happens though?
Well let's put it this way buckle up my friend and
get ready for the scariest ride of your life! This once nice shy, peaceful,
submissive woman will turn 180 degrees on you. First off I've met many men over
the years that have had these things happen to them during "THE
EVENT". Soda cans thrown at them, slapped, yelled at, mean hurtful things
said, furniture thrown (chairs, etc.). And you're thinking "I was just
five minutes late". Or "I've been to 20 parties and I'm just saying
no to this one because I'm tired, what's going on here?" Whatever the
situation is this doesn't warrant this kind of behavior on her part.
The problem is this is now the tip of the iceburg.
Chances are at some point she might apologize, but a month later this behavior
will rear its ugly head again. As time goes on the apologies will get less, and
the behavior more prevalent. Some may be more violent. Some may be less violent
and wordier, meaning they will criticize everything you do or don't do. This
constant behavior usually will happen when the relationship has been going a
while. It builds up till this is all it is. Before you know it that submissive,
nice, shy person is gone.
All you're stuck with now is a woman, that's bossy,
shows little love, and criticizes everything you do, is never satisfied, and
has total control over your relationship.
Here's the funny thing too, everything she yells at
you about she will hypocritically do herself! HUH? Yes, if she spills a drink
it's no big deal, if you do it you will be criticized to the 10 degree! Why is
all of this happening? Well this is how she was raised. Chances are this is how
her mother talked to her and her father, and how she interacted with her
siblings. This is how she was taught to have relationships. Remember most
people put on their best faces. I'm mean to a degree they know it's wrong, but
it's the only way they know how to live. So around strangers or acquaintances
they're the super nice helpful Asian girl, but at home they rule the house
plain and simple. Asian women run the show at home bottom line!
This is a fact men really need to know. Don't date Asian
woman thinking all of the wrong things.
Like she is submissive, quite, etc., if you do you
will get taken for a ride. The thing to do is know they were raised under
different circumstances then you and keep your eyes and ears open to see if
something's wrong before proceeding further. This is about maximizing your
dating so you don't waste your time with someone that won't be any good for
your life. If something isn't right leave and move on instead of trying to work
with a girl like this and her problems.
You can't change a person's culture. If an Asian
woman is acting this way to you chances are this is how her family has been for
generations. Don't try to change it. If "THE EVENT" happens RUN! If
it never does then you might have a cool Asian female on your hands.
This is where I want to reiterate. I'm not slamming
Asian women. This is just pointing out a few
unfortunate truths about the culture. For the record
their sense of family is tremendous, and I think if some other cultures had
that sense of family they would be more successful in the world. The problem in
Asian culture is the way they interact with each other as a family.
Just to give you an unbiased example. You may have
heard some women say "oh I don't date a man from Africa, Middle East, or
Morocco." Even some African-American women say this. Why? Because, those
cultures tend to have harsh treatment towards women, and have an extremely
dominant role for the man. Again like the women above they will be charming and
loving until "THE EVENT" happens, followed by sorries, and time
elapsed. Then BAM it will happen again, till the time between these episodes
are shorter, and the sorries are fewer. Are all men like this from these
countries? No, but enough to be at least cautious. Culture is a very strong
thing. If a culture is very male dominated with harsh treatment to the women,
and a woman outside the culture is dating a man from this culture she should be
at least aware so she can keep her eyes open for behavior that isn't right.
This is the same for men dealing with Asian women.
Know their culture is different. Know there are something’s that are harsh
towards men. Be informed and stay alert, and watch for behavior that isn't
right.
Materialistic?
Next myth is Asian women aren't materialistic. What
a lot of people don't know unless they've spend lot of time with Asians as the
boyfriend of one of these young ladies is there's a large
competition factor between Asians, and from one
family to the next. Who can provide the better car for their kid, clothes for
their kid, party thrown, Etc. Even for those that don't have a lot of
money this competition still exist. This usually
doesn't rear its head till somewhere down the line
in the relationship. There might be an argument here
and there about money, and then before you know it nothing financially you do
will be right. You're now being criticized like the above. Don't date an Asian
woman thinking "oh they're less mutualistic and expect less then American
women. WRONG!
One thing that strikes me is those that like to send
money back home (to the Philippines, or Thailand, etc.). I've met girls where
their parents were dirt poor but expected everyone to chip in and send money to
their home countries to a relative that was doing well financially at-least as
far as their country was concerned! Here I am looking at pictures of this
relative's custom built home in their country, and provided the knowledge they
have a great job there and do well financially. Then I see everyone chipping in
money to send to this person. I'm like "what the heck?” I was then told by
my girlfriend "over there they see America as being so rich, and they
expect us to send them money". "So, you're parents that wait tables,
and are janitors are expected to send money home to a relative that has a nice
house, and good job?" I'm then told angrily "that's just how things
are!" Again my friends don’t try to change cultural.
I've also seen the opposite where the family member
over in their home country doesn't have a lot of money but gambles alot, but
yet everyone feels bad and chips in to send him or her money!
Or its family members no one knows that well but
they call or write asking for money so everyone chips in. FYI most of the
people in this culture that ask for money usually are the irresponsible ones.
The ones that don't ask for money are the prideful ones and are usually
responsible and resourceful; their only problem is giving to those that are
irresponsible. It's cycle. If you're with such a responsible and resourceful
woman be prepared to blindly give or get yelled at!
This also rears its head in her local family. If she
has lots of sisters and brothers expect a couple of them to be hugely
irresponsible. Guess what? Yup your woman is pitching into give money. Usually
not to the sibling but to their parents, which the parents then in turn gives
it to their irresponsible kid of their's when they need it; If you don't give
you get yelled at! I've used the stance that I didn't mind helping her parents
(I know stupid huh), but I know that your parents give in every time your
sister needs money. So, if I give it will just end up in your sister's
hands." Guess what? No change. Still get yelled at. This is just the
culture.
So what if this Asian woman seems to be more
Americanized (no accent, not into the food, etc.)? Still keep your eyes open
for this behavior. Chances are she was still raised this way in America.
Meaning her parents are like the above, but she grew up in the US her entire
life so she has no accent. Meaning the same negative behavior could easily
happen if this is how she was raised.
Faithfulness?
Well in any culture that has mistreatment of either
be the man or woman faithfulness goes down. Just like the example above where
the guys from African and Middle Eastern countries have a rep for dominating to
their women. Well when this happens these guys tend to see this woman as an
object not a person. When that happens her worth goes down in his eyes. This is
why they also have the rep for womanizing. Well this is the same thing that
happens in Asian culture why most of these women that showed these behaviors
were cheating as well. I mean if they are throwing things at you, yelling at
you, making bizarre financial requests of you do you really think you're the
apple of her eye? No you're not. You worth goes down. Once that happens it's
easy to cheat on you.
You're not a person you're a possession. Plus you've
accepted the crappy treatment above and have taken the apologies why won't you
take cheating? It's a progression in poor treatment. It worsens to the point
where cheating usually happens. This is a common thread in any culture if
someone treats you badly; it's not a far stretch for them to cheat. Well it
just so happens that in Asian culture it's common for the woman to control the
guy and treat him poorly, so you can guess the rest. The thing to keep in mind
once you've reached this status in your relationship with such a woman she
isn't concerned of losing you (no matter what she says) because she knows that
she can meet another guy just as easy as she met you !
Please don't judge a book by its cover. Meaning, you
go to her home, meet her parents and everyone is so nice. That doesn't mean
they didn't have the above behavior in their home, it just means you're a guest
and their being nice to you. It also means don't go in their thinking you're
not going to give this female and her family a chance based on this article.
You just want to keep your eyes peeled and wits about you. Everyone deserves a
chance.
So where did this submissive Asian woman thing
start? Well truthfully it's a Japanese thing
and some people are to ignorant to know Japanese
isn't the same thing as Korean, Chinese,
Thai, Filipino, etc. Japan does have a class system
in their speech to each other.
It's still a harsh culture meaning not as many hugs,
and little praise, but the women are taught
to speak a certain way that shows they are lady and
not aggressive. It's a culture with rather polite speech in general, and as a
society Japanese are fairly polite. Has this changed a bit since the
modernization of Japan? Sure, but there still is a difference in household
roles for men and women in this culture. Most people I hear that have bad Asian
girlfriend stories are rarely
Japanese. Mostly they're Filipino, Thai, Vietnamese,
Cambodian, Korean, and Chinese.
The one that gets the rep of being the most
physically abusive and violent are Korean women oddly enough.
So why date Asian women in the first place? Well for
the same reason why you date anyone, attraction, and the hope they might be
nice. If "THE EVENT" never happens. You aren't getting yelled at on
regular basis because of dumb things, she isn't making weird financial request
of you, and your chances of having a good Asian woman increases! The reason for
this article is for you to maximize your time. If you see poor behavior you've
been forewarned! GET OUT! RUN DON'T WALK. DON'T TRY TO FIGURE IT OR HER OUT! If
that behavior never appears then you have a "potentially" good girl
which is why I still will give Asian women a shot. I'm just a lot more careful
since I know a lot now after several experiences!
Thanks all and happy dating!
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